The DBZ Fanpage Expedition
by Paladone
Summary: Gohan and Videl take a break from the rigors of babysitting and mistakingly end up exploring the horror-inspiring world of DBZ Webpages. Will they survive? (PS: Strong language)


Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ. Or any webpages (by and by, they're all made up, but should be familiar)  
  
Notes: Well, this kinda popped in my head today, so you can almost think of it as a spinoff of GJ, but I didn't  
want to do the "inside the internet" thing again, so this is the one and only chapter. It's basically a pseudo-spin off  
of my horribly titled "Living the Normal Life," where Gohan and Videl decide to explore the internet a little.....  
  
(PS: I make Gohan really naieve and somewhat stupid in this story, don't ask why. Just in the mood for him to be Goku for  
a day....oh wait)  
  
  
THE DBZ FANPAGE EXPEDITION  
  
  
Videl Satan gazed at the advanced looking computer in front of her, then focused back on Gohan, who was rubbing his hands   
together in sheer glee.   
  
"Well, someone looks excited," she chuckled.  
  
Gohan grinned childishly and brushed an annoying lock of hair out of his eye. "You have no idea how fast this thing  
is! It's a little known fact that Bulma INVENTED the Internet!"  
  
"...oh really. Who told you that?"  
  
"Bulma of course! Bulma never lies! Well, let's get started, what do you want to do first?"  
  
Videl sighed and scooted a chair next to him, "I dunno, wanna play a video game?  
  
"If you'd like, though I don't know how many she has. Lesee here, they got....solitaire, kakarotsweeper, hearts, a couple  
more like these, uh....Vegeta Teaches Typing To Satisfy Blue Haired Witch And Infant Brat, and Street Fighter Z: I  
Beat Kakarot Every Round."  
  
"Gee, I wonder if Vegeta ever uses the computer," the girl stated flatly while she brushed out her hair.  
  
"Hmm, I dunno, I geuss he does," Gohan stated absently.  
  
"Just keep going. What else can we do?"  
  
Gohan squinted, "Well, we could try the internet....I don't like the internet though...."  
  
"....you don't like the internet? Why?"  
  
"Uh...long, long story, one which brings back painful memories....if I EVER see another Mary-Sue fanfic again-"  
  
"Huh?"   
  
"Ah, hehe, but that's long past, least two years. Sure, why not!"  
  
Due to their state of the art connection, the internet was extra fast. They whisked through a couple company websites,  
then popped open the Google Search Engine. (ok, ONE of the websites is real, sue me)  
  
Turning away, he beamed at her. "So whadya wanna look at!"  
  
She pondered for a moment. "Not sure, really. Well, we COULD look at some CANDY websites, to make up for Valentines  
Day."  
  
"Hey, that's not fair! I got you a box of choclates, just like you told me to!"  
  
"Yeah, and you ATE all of them. I got an empty BOX."  
  
"But I love those chocolate strawberries...."  
  
"Oh whatever, now lemme think."  
  
"Hey, and you didn't get ME anything!"  
  
She ignored him. "Hmmm...hey, why don't you try putting 'Dragonball' in there?"  
  
Gohan's eyebrow rose, "That's an interesting idea."  
  
"Or of course, we could go off and do something more...interesting." She smiled endearingly at him.  
  
"....like eating? I am kinda hungry."  
  
"Oh shut up and just punch it in." She muttered, crossed her arms, and slunk in her chair. Gohan blinked. *Now what  
did I do?*  
  
Then the screen loaded, and both their eyes widened. "1,000,080 WEBPAGES! Gohan, I thought you told me almost no one knew  
about these gems!" (I'm totally serious. I tested it three times. Pretty scary, huh?)  
  
He blinked, "Well, let's take a look and see what this is all about!"  
  
And he clicked on the first webpage.  
  
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The background consisted of hundreds of animated Super Saiyan Gokus powering up, with a background of bright pink, and  
bright green 50 point title font read, "$$$$$g0KoU-JIn'S 733t h@XX0r sO0PER S@y@nN 7 weBP@ge!!!1!11!$$$$$"  
  
Both screamed and clung to eachother. "GOHAN, THE CLASHING COLORS, THEY'RE RIPPING OUT MY EYES!!!! TAKE IT   
AWAY! TAKE IT AWAY!"  
  
"H-hold on, lemme close the 20 pop-up ads first! What the hell is THAT supposed to mean?"  
  
She started wringing his neck, "I HAVE NO IDEA, JUST CLOSE IT! CLOSE IT!"  
  
"*choke* *wheeze* O-OK OK!" A quick press of the back button brought them back (ha clever ha ha laugh damn it) to the main   
list.  
  
"...w-what the h-hell was t-that...."  
  
"Don't know, geuss I should be more careful....uh....eheh....Videl....it's ok now.....you can let go.....um....there's  
another chair....um..."  
  
She tightened her hold, out of pure spite, of course. "Hmmm, I don't know, the energy involved would be too much,  
and I could faint. I think I'll just stay here until my head gets better."  
  
It was entirely possible that steam was pouring out of his cheeks. "A-alright....here's a safe-looking one.  
'The Best Dragonball Z Page: We got editorials, FULL EPISODES, images, FULL EPISODES, non-related anime-babes, FULL  
EPISODES, bios, and WE ALMOST FORGOT, FULL EPISODES, EVERY SINGLE QUALITY JAPANESE EPISODE EVER CREATED! AND DON'T WHINE  
ABOUT LEGALITY, WE DON'T GIVE A SHIT, PUNK-ASSES! RAAAARRR!!!"  
  
"Yeah Gohan, that sure sounds swell."  
  
"Ok, good! *click*"  
  
"*smacks forehead* oh god..."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Nothing." She made herself more comfortable, and stretched herself entirely in his lap.  
  
"*cough* I t-thought y-you were t-too weak to m-m-move-"  
  
"Gohan, shut up and click past the 500mb made-with-lousy-photoshop-skills banner."  
  
"R-right."   
  
Black text on a blue background was pretty bad, but was much better compared with last time, thought Gohan. However,   
looking at himself snarling back at him, along with all the other saiyans he had known, was rather unnerving.   
  
Videl whistled, "Damn, you guys look pretty fucking pissed about something in this photo. Is that YOU Gohan?"  
  
"Yeah. Wow, read the update here."  
  
"'Hey, word up to my homiez at school, Sci-Fi-Chess-Hybrid Club R0xx0rs. Anyway, I finished uploading 1776 screenshots of  
the Gohan/Lime episode, the one with Gohan accidentally....you know, ha ha, me funny, and another 1812 of the Goku vs   
Majin Vegeta one. I think I got EVERY frame of animation in that AWESOME episode. Also, 1861 new Bulma/Vegeta   
fanfictions, 200 of which are named 'A Strange Twist of Fate'! VOTE FOR ME PLEASE SO I CAN BE ON TOP OF  
THE l33t WEBSITE LIST!!!!!!!!!UNTIL YOU DO YOU WILL BE FORCED TO LOOK AT 90 POP-UP ADS GROVELING FOR CASH, AND CLOSING ONE   
WILL BRING UP TWO MORE!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!'" Videl read flatly.   
  
"....this is kinda scary Videl-san..."  
  
She looked very level at him, "So, Gohan-KUN, who is this Lime girl again? I don't recall you mentioning her, for some   
odd reason. And WHAT did you do to her?"  
  
Wincing, (whenever she emphasized KUN, he was in trouble), he responded quickly. "Uh, it's this eight-year old that I saved  
from a raging river whom I later protected from a psychopathic businessman and his hired assasain Tao Pai Pai (NOT GENERAL  
TAO) who wore a pink gi and was really weak and I don't know exactly what I did that was suggestive or anything except  
for that she got mad at me when I save her because I was holding her oddly or something."  
  
Blink blink. "Oh.....ok then......let's just move on."  
  
"Well, let's start with bios, these look easy enough."  
  
"HEY! WHY THE HELL AM I IN THERE?!"  
  
"Well, let's find out. *click*"  
  
What followed was a detailed chart about Videl's physique, including a full body scan, her health statistics when she  
was born, her EXACT power level number, her dental hygiene records, the kind of hairspray she used, and also her age.   
Onward was a 50-page analysis of her psychological condition and every single thing she ever did in DBZ.  
  
Videl gazed wide-eyed. "What the hell...they know more about me than--I do! They're either brilliant or psycho-obssesive  
DBZ people with hyper-active imaginations and way too much free time."  
  
Gohan decided to skip reading the bio, thankfully (for his health's sake) not reading the two pages on he and his future   
wife's honeymoon. He skipped over the eppisode summary, he knew what happened in his life, and moved down to the FULL   
EPISODES BUTTON, which was FLASHING ORGASTICALLY and HAD MANY PRETTY FRAMES AROUND IT, TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE KNOWS THAT THIS  
SITE HAS FULL EPISODES, WAITING FOR YOU TO RIP OFF AND DOWNLOAD, BECAUSE FUNIMATION IS GAY AND NO ONE FOLLOWS RULES OR THE   
LAW ANYWAY!   
  
After clicking through a complex and intricate process of 'forced voting' which involved clicking on 20 different links,   
it turned out that most of the episodes didn't work, and that, coincidentally, they only had 15 listed. After clicking on  
about 13 of them and discovering that each one didn't work, Gohan clicked on the 14th.  
  
It was the Bulma Goes Underwater on Namek in a Not Even Remotely Interesting Filler Episode episode. It opened in   
real(shit)player, and started out well. Except for the color problems. And the lack of sound. And the annoying static.  
And the fact that it paused every 2.5 seconds to load for another minute.  
  
Videl snorted, "This sucks. Let's find a better site. Or, once again, we could just turn off the computer for a while  
and RELAX a little..." She snuggled a little more cozily.  
  
Naturally, Gohan was too focused on the interesting phenomenom in front of him. He decided to try a site without  
FULL EPISODES, entitled Planet Icejin. (Whadya mean? This has no relation WHATSOEVER to that OTHER site. Yeesh,  
get off my back.)  
  
Silently holding in the many insults that sprang to tongue towards Gohan's naivety, Videl strained her eyes. "Well, this   
site's clean at least.....what the hell...they have a HAIR STYLES page?" (It's something I made up, it's my idea, and no  
you can't find it on Planet Namek on the left collumn, so :P)  
  
On the RIGHT collumn (HA) was a list of every single detail you could ever want to know and then some about everything in   
the DBZ universe, including the 200 page history of planet Yardrat.  
  
"ONICHAN! VIDEL-KUN! WHATCHA DOIN!" Trunks and Goten blazed in from down the hall and poofed themselves  
on Videl's lap, who was sitting on Gohan's lap. Goten squinted quizically, "Why are their demons staring at us that look  
like us?"  
  
Gohan sighed and decided to not even try to force them out. "That's us, Goten."  
  
Trunks cheered, "Wow, I look really cool!"  
  
"I think that's the older Trunks we told you about. You're the purple-haired one in the (stupid looking) leather  
gloves and shorts over there with that strange girl."  
  
"WHAT? THAT'S NOT FAIR!"  
  
Videl interrupted, "Why do they have these photos anyway? Where do they GET them? And why do they put them on the  
banner?"  
  
"Who knows. Wow, this guy has to post every single day!"  
  
Goten cheered, "They make toys off of us, look look!"  
  
Videl's eyebrow rose. "Why the he--heck are there 294 updates about toy lineups?"  
  
Trunks yawned, "Let's take a look at some smaller sites, there's too many words on this one."  
  
The girl rose a hand. "Hang on, what are 'animated GIF's'?"  
  
"*click*"  
  
After about 20 minutes of loading, the entire first page was full of random people from the series powering up and  
shooting really powerful looking beams. And chichi hitting Goku with a frying pan.  
  
Trunks and Goten cheered and bounced around on an increasing uncomfortable babysitter's lap. "WOW, look at me Trunks,  
I look COOL!"  
  
"HA! But I'm kicking around that fat pink guy. YOU'RE just powering up!"  
  
"Look, we're...morphing into something....we've never done that....."  
  
Videl muttered. "Surprise surprise, don't see any WOMEN there. Well...one of #18...but...."  
  
"BOY, where are you and where the hell is my dinner!"  
  
A pompous (is he ever NOT pompous) and grumpy (ditto) looking Vegeta stomped his way gracefully to the computer.  
Gohan rolled his eyes and glared, "Dinner isn't for an hour, and we're busy."  
  
"Well, you all look comfortable, and---move aside."  
  
He grinned maliciously as the next page loaded, which was entirely devoted to Vegeta, Vegeta Powering Up, Vegeta looking  
cool, Vegeta looking MORE cool, and Vegeta Beating Goku in a Very Humiliating Fashion, because he is obviously the greatest  
and most complicated (*PPHHHT SNICKER COUGH SNICKER* Sorry, can't type that with a straight face, sue me) character in the   
series. "Now THIS is more like it! Where the hell'd you find this, anyway."  
  
Goten laughed, "It's called the Enternet!"  
  
"Internet", Videl corrected. "Pull up a chair then. Apparently, a group of raving lunatics has devoted itself to charting  
our lives."  
  
Vegeta had a glint in his eye. "Finally, I'm getting the respect I deserve. HEY, Click on the 'Vegeta Is God page!"  
  
"But-"  
  
"NOW!"  
  
"...*click*"  
  
Videl grumbled, "So much for some alone time."  
  
The page popped up to a happy pink heart bitmap background, with a picture of Vegeta with angel wings and a halo.  
  
Vegeta's grin remained fixed, except it was now horrible and insane. Truns simultaneously held in incredulous laughter  
and tried to avoid becoming a target. Being the troublemaker she was, Videl couldn't resist adding fuel to the fire.   
"Wow Vegeta, listen to this. 'I am in LUV with that SEXY MAN Vegeta, even though he isn't as strong as Goku. I want to   
take him and chane him to a post and make him barke like a doggie. I kno he is pissed off, but inside he has a soft, gold  
heart, and has many tender feelings. He's way better than that FUCKING GAY ASS PRICK YAMCHA, WHO'S THE DEVIL INCARNATE  
AND SHOULD BE BURNED AT THE STAKE! This page is devoted to my love, and contains lemon fanfictions between him and I,   
heeheehee, I am so evil. It also contains Fanart, Movie Clips of him butt-naked, and Yaoi-shounen-ai stories between   
Goku and Vegeta, because those two are hotties, and Goku is my SECOND favorite luver.'"  
  
Vegeta said between clenched teeth, "I...swear...on ALL THINGS BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL, If I EVER find that girl I'm going   
to....what the hell is Yaoi, anyway? Stupid Japanese language."  
  
Videl smiled, "It's-"  
  
Gohan frantically covered her mouth (with his hands). "A really huge fight scene where no one really wins."  
  
Vegeta snorted. "Hmph, that's stupid. I thought for a second that meant, like, something different, upon which I would've  
destroyed the entire planet in my inconsolable rage ^_^."  
  
"....yeah, eheh...."  
  
Videl kissed the offending hand, and it immediately flew upwards like a bullet. "Thank you. Now then, let's look at a   
couple more then we'll stop and eat. Hey......Gohan, what's a message board?"  
  
Gohan, whose face now contained all the color in his body, stuttered, "I-I-I-I-I-I-d-don't k-k-know...."  
  
She clicked on it, and opened up a plethora of very odd and random topics, such as "Mie toilet plugged up", "Who would win,  
Chichi or Ox-King," "What's the size in meters of the biggest Kamehameha?" and about 496 posts containing the words   
"FUNImation" and "Sucks".   
  
Vegeta snorted again, "They got one thing right. That 'American' company is as pathetic, and I sound like I'm going  
to die of emphazima over there!"  
  
"....how do YOU know what emphazima is?" Videl pondered.  
  
Sighing, Gohan responded, "It's not THAT bad. They've improved a lot, in my opinion. See, look, this one guy at  
the top is defending them."   
  
*cue horror music*  
  
A click on the post revealed that within 10 seconds of its creation, there were approximately 53 responses. It  
read as follows. (If this offends anyone, GOOD, you deserve it ^_^)  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"From TheFriendlyOne: Hi everyone, I'm kinda new here, but I want to express my honest opinion. You know, Funimation's   
done some really stupid stuff, but they're improving a bit now, and the show's still fun to watch. I LOVE Dabura's voice,   
it's really fitting, don't you think? But then again, that's just my opinion, I don't want to anger anyone. Anyway, can   
anyone tell me what happened in the very beginning of Dragonball? I missed the first couple episodes. Hey, thanks a lot,   
I'm looking forward to getting to know you anime experts, hope to hear from you soon! -The Friendly One  
  
From TrueDBZOtaku: FUCK U!!!!! FUCK U, U FUCKING ASS KISSER, YOUR A FUCKING FLAMER AND YOU SHOULD DIE YOU FUCKING FAGGOT!  
FUNIMATION SUCKS, AND I ONLY WATCH IT BECAUSE I FUCKING HAVE TO YOU FUCKING GAY-ASS QUEER FUCKER! I HATE U FUCKING NEWBIES  
SO MUCH, I SHIT MY PANTS EVERY TIME I READ A FUCKING POST LIKE THIS ONE! IF I EVER MET U IN REAL LIFE I'D TAKE MY   
FUCKING STEEL-TOED BOOTS AND SHOVE THEM UP UR FUCKING QUEER ASS, IF U WEREN'T IN THE PROCESS OF KISSING FUNI'S  
ASS CHEEKS U FUCKIN PUSSY!!!!!  
  
From SSJGoku18643012: What a little fag, how dare he have such a stupid opinion. Opinions are for losers.  
  
From TrueDBZOtaku: U GOT THAT FUCKING RIGHT! WHAT A FAGGOT NEWBIE FAGGOT! I BET HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW  
THAT BROLLI WAS IN MOVIE #7!!!   
  
From KissAss69: Yeah, you got that right! God I hate these idiotic newbies, the only reason I even watch the show  
is so I can complain about it the next day, you know? Jesus christ, remember when Trunks grunted in episode 163? That was   
so stupid! I love you TBO, I'll never ever disagree with you, ever.  
  
From TrueDBZOtaku: THX MAN, U KICK ASS! AS TO TRUNKS, FUCK I KNOW! IT'S SO FUCKING HORRIBLE THAT I HAVE TO WATCH IT AND   
WHINE ABOUT IT!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THESE FUCKING QUEER-ASS FUCKING NEWBIES THAT ENJOY THIS FUCKING GAY-ASS VERSION OF THE   
GREATEST, MOST PERFECT ANIME EVER!! FUCK U, NEWBIE, I HATE U, GO AWAY AND CRY IN A CORNER SINCE I JUST 0WNED UR ASS!  
  
From SarcasticStan: Yeah, I read you loud and clear there buddy! Fuck the 1st amendment! FUCK DEMOCRACY!  
  
From TrueDBZOtaku: FUCK YEAH! U DA BOMB!  
  
From SarcasticStan: Um...that was a joke.  
  
From TrueDBZOtaku: FUCK YEAH! U DA BOMB!  
  
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Videl snapped, "OK, THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT! JESUS CHRIST!"  
  
Vegeta was rolling on the floor laughing, "THESE are our 'fans'? What a bunch of morons!"  
  
"HEY, that's not fair, we can't read!" the dynamic duo chorused.  
  
Gohan patted them on their heads, "You don't want to read this guys, its a depressing statement about human nature."  
  
"I think it's greatly amusing, they're more argumentative and prissy than Bulma!"  
  
"Oh shut up Vegeta," Videl muttered. "Dare to try the chatroom?"  
  
"....how about not."  
  
"Ok, is there anything else you wanna look at, then?"  
  
"TRUNKS, GOTEN, YOU TWO NEED TO CLEAN UP THAT MESS THIS INSTANT!" a voice roared.  
  
Vegeta sniffed, "I thought the woman was going to be away for longer than that!"  
  
"You know...she DOES have a name."  
  
Bulma glided into the room, and Goten and Trunks promtly vanished. "Hi, sorry, I forgot some capsules I needed. Hey,   
how the hell'd you drag HIM out of the gravity room, what're you all looking at?"  
  
Gohan sighed again. "Fanpages. Apparently there's a society dedicated to glorifying our lives beyond human comprehension."  
  
Bulma sat down, "I'll have to see one of these, move your royal ass over Vegeta. What've you seen so far?"  
  
"Well, so far we've seen some sort of hideous eye torturing device that escaped from Hell, two freakishly big websites, one  
with FULL EPISODES, and a message board consisting of fascinating individuals who contain all the politeness and civility of  
a group of urangatangs flinging their poop at one another." Videl stated sweetly.  
  
"...I see. GOTEN, TRUNKS, you can come out now, I won't make you clean the kitchen now."  
  
POP! They were back situated on Videl's lap as if nothing happened. Goten looked at one, "Hey, what's 'Hentoi Doushinshi"?"  
  
Videl quickly scrolled down, "Nothing YOU need to be looking at."  
  
Bulma giggled. "Now there's a cute one, 'Couples HD DBZ'. Why don't we try that?"  
  
"EWWWWWW," came the chorus from the young'uns, but Videl decided to click on it anyway.  
  
"This is stupid, can't we just eat now-"   
  
"SHUT UP VEGETA!"   
  
"*mumble*"  
  
What ended up loading, unfortunately, was something known as Cpuples Hentai Doujinshi DBZ, and they were flooded with   
several extremely tasteless photos popping one after the other.  
  
Bulma had quick reflexes, and immediately dragged a confused Trunks and Goten back out of the room. "MOM! YOU SAID WE  
COULD-!"  
  
"NOT ANYMORE! Could those of you at the comp PLEASE close that. I'll go start cooking dinner with these two."  
  
Vegeta grinned, "Well, THIS is more like it, they got it perfect."  
  
"You WISH it was that big Vegeta," floated from down the hallway.  
  
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?! OH, YOU WANT TO SEE BIG, HUH? I'LL SHOW YOU BIG!" Vegeta stormed out of the room.  
  
Videl's face broke into an insane grin. "Gohan, tell me, why the HOLY HELL am I up there getting screwed by...whoever  
that guy is! What kind of PERSON DRAWS NASTY, EXXAGERATED PORNOGROPHY WITH ME, FETCHING BOOBS THE SIZE OF BOWLING BALLS,  
IN IT AND EXPECTS TO LIVE!!!!?? HUH??!?!"  
  
Gohan's eyes were screwed shut. "I...don't...know.....IT'S NOT MY FAULT!"  
  
"Wait a sec...is that YOU?"  
  
"*CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK* EHEH, guess we'll never know, darn. Hey, look, FANART!"  
  
The diversion actually worked, but not the way Gohan had intended. "WAAAHAAHHAHAHAHAAAAA!!! IS THAT YOU, GOHAN?!?!"  
  
A taller, more grown up version of himself was decked out in what appeared to be the stupidest clothes on the face of  
the planet (the Great Saiyaman costumes), and was in the infamous "what the hell is that" stance.  
  
"Uh...maybe we should stop now.......please?..."  
  
Videl grinned, "AW comeon, I'm getting to like this....hey....what's 'Fanfiction.net'?"  
  
"NO, wait, DON'T...!"  
  
"*click*"  
  
*KAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* The computer overheated  
with pop-up ads and exploded. Two somewhat sooty figures sat blinking at the charred outer box of the super-computer.  
  
"Oh terrific, now I'll never know. Well, wow, that was one interesting look at fandom."  
  
Gohan shivered, "Yeah, it was great, except for the whole obsessed-mentally-unstable portion of it....um....wanna get up  
and eat...we're done now...uh...I haven't moved in 20 minutes....uh?"  
  
"I dunno, I'm pretty comfortable here. We have a couple minutes to relax a little, hmm?"  
  
"um....*gulp*"  
  
  
  
FIN  
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Well, that was fun half an hour. Back to polishing chp 7 of LTNL If anyone was offended by this......HA, TOO BAD! Later. 


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